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Disclaimer

The content of this website does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of ourselves, our company, our friends, Jesse Ventura, Rod Blagojevich, Winston Churchill, Donald Trump, or the cats; don't quote us on that; don't quote us on anything; all, or at least most, rights reserved; you may distribute these postings freely but you may not (and probably can't) make a profit from them; jokes and diapers are subject to change without notice (also to notice without change); some may be slightly enlarged to show detail; the contents herein has been altered: it has, we hope, been reformatted to fit this screen; any resemblance to actual persons, living, dead, or merely unconscious is mostly unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove any joke under penalty of law; hand wash only; wash 16 million colors separately; tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, or spindle (mutilation ok); your mileage will vary; substitutions allowed; available for a limited time only; these jokes are void where prohibited (and prohibited where void), taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat empty; product is provided "as is" without any warranties; user assumes fool responsibility; an equal opportunity employer of humor; no shoes, no shirt, no jokes; quantities are limited while supplies last, otherwise, unlimited; if any amusement defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return them to our authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory: text may contain explicit or murky materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; keep away from refrigerator to remain thin; limit one-child-per-family please; no money down; no money up; no purchase necessary, however, you must be present to win; a lot of dissembling required, but no assembly necessary; batteries not included, except with a salt; instructions included with some models; reader must supply own laughter; action figures sold separately; no preservatives, artificial colors or flavors added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; hermetically sealed for your protection, do not use if safety seal is broken; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse or from jocularity deficits; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, stop reading immediately and run ScanDisk; use only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 240 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source (as attractive as those might be); smoking these jokes could be hazardous to your health; all natural humor, no salt, MSG, pepper, vodka, or road tar added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a mortician; possible penalties for early withdrawal, consult sexual partner for details; offer valid only at participating web sites; allow four to six seconds for delivery; must be 18 to enter, 21 to leave; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, Dan Quale Presidential nominations, or other Acts of God (we wish he would just lay off), neglect, damage from improper installation, incorrect line voltage, warp-speed travel, improper or unauthorized repair, electro-magnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, proximity of gay Teletubbies, customer adjustments not covered in the humor instruction manual, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking (watching Airplane 1&2, or Titanic), taking on water, taking on George Forman, motor vehicle crashing (Mel Gibson, this means you), dropping teeth, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, cracks (except, wise), mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but is not limited to, arrows, bullets, champagne corks, buckshot, BBs, lamps, shrapnel, meteor movies, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha rays Beta rays, Gamma rays, Raising Arizona, Raisinettes, lawsuits, wetsuits, zoot suits, knives, sticks, Stones, Beatles, Eagles, etc.); risibility is slightly higher east of the Rockies; other restrictions may, and probably do, apply, but must be applied correctly to avoid warrantee rejection.

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